My wife and I are having a debate about an important parenting topic, and I imagine other parents are locked in a similar struggle.
Should we harness our fast, energetic, precocious toddler? I'm uncomfortable strapping a leash to our child. However, my wife feels a harness might be the best way to keep him from darting off.
Toddlers who love to run away in public don't often respond to warnings. What's a parent to do? And what are the pros and cons?
Pros
- A harness may be effective in restraining a child and prevent him from running away. From a safety standpoint, it might be a no-brainer. Many children love to explore and they have no problem following their instincts into whichever nook and cranny they can find. A harness is often the answer to solve that problem.
- Parents would gain a great deal of comfort knowing that when they go to a crowded mall or a festival with a crush of people, their child won't be able to get lost.
- When you have multiple children, a harness becomes even more useful. With one child in a stroller and another on foot, it makes public outings almost impossible to handle if your toddler is a runner. A harness could be exactly what you need for a sane, productive outing.
- With a harness, you will no longer have to chase after a child at the zoo or library when they inevitably make a run for it. Those embarrassing moments of sprinting through a store at full speed, dodging other shoppers and shopping carts while screaming after a toddler, will be a distant memory.
Cons
- A harness might be confused with a leash, making it look like you're treating your child like an animal. There will be an embarrassment factor that might make you uncomfortable, placing a restraint on your child in public.
- A harness might also diminish a teachable moment. As parents, we know that each day there are a multitude of moments to reinforce lessons to our children. When a child begins to dart away from us, this is a perfect example of a time to remind a child that their behavior is unacceptable.
- If you want your toddler to have an explorer instinct, a harness might ruin it. Children are natural explorers. A harness could inhibit that important quality.
Other Options
There are options to consider other than using a harness. Hand-holding is one option that would need to be taught over and over again. Consider giving your sprinting toddler two choices — walking or holding hands. This might be one way to cut down on a child's tendency to run. Also, make sure you tell your child that she is wearing her "walking feet."
Talk to your young child often about why running away is not acceptable. Make sure your words match your actions as well. If a child disobeys and runs from you, there should be an immediate consequence. Make sure these incidents are not isolated, however. When you get home after a difficult day, remind your child why her behavior was problematic. It's important your child grasp the importance of staying close to Mommy and Daddy in public.
To Harness or Not to Harness?
The bottom line on harnesses is this — as a parent you know how your child will respond to a restraint. You also know how much misbehavior you can handle from your child.
Weigh the pros and cons and decide if a harness fits with your parenting style.
Comments
1
I think using harnesses is a
Submitted by Tragic Sandwich (not verified) on November 9, 2012 - 14:08
I think using harnesses is a personal choice that should be made based on the child in question and the circumstances in question. We haven't used a harness on Baguette yet, but we haven't ruled it out.
For those people who are judgmental about harnesses, I say this: I commute by bus. When the bus is full, I have to stand, and the handholds are over my head. Standing like that for an hour is extremely uncomfortable. I can only imagine that it's similar to having to reach up to hold an adult's hand for long periods.
So to those who judge harness-users, I say this: try commuting on a crowded bus, and then think about how that feels to your child. And then keep your opinion to yourself. That harness isn't doing any harm to you at all.
2
Dog Leash?
Submitted by Ask A Great Dad (not verified) on November 9, 2012 - 18:18
Great topic, this has been a debate in my family for a long time. My mom use to get very worked up over this, she was judgemental, and thought it was like treating the child like an animal. She was so fired up about the topic that she would bark at the parents. (who's the animal?) Of course karma doesn't hit her it bites me in the butt. Our daughter is a runner wh does not like to hold hands. Now that we have a young son, a harness may be our only option. Our daughter rarely holds hands and will drop to the ground crying if we try and force her. It usually results in me just picking her up. We will have to try and reinforce the issue more often. Great post!
3
Thank you.
Submitted by sylrayj (not verified) on November 19, 2012 - 15:29
I am a parent with a child on the Autism Spectrum, and I used a harness for my son. It wasn't too hard on me because I didn't notice anyone being insulting, and we were able to retire the harness after my son learned more about how to stay out of the road, parking lot, under clothing racks, etc. A friend, though, whose son has Autism, has had the displeasure of being insulted. It can't be pleasant to have to educate a group of young adults, who don't likely know enough to be able to comment wisely even if they weren't the sort to belittle others.
With articles like this, and the opportunity to hear other viewpoints as well, perhaps it'll be easier for everyone to gain an open mind. Mine is becoming less flexible with age, but I'm still trying...
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