The Cooperative Toddler

My toddler is cooperative (most of the time). She's easygoing and backs down from a "fight" quickly. It hasn't always been this way, and it isn't always easy, but it is doable. I've learned that you can't force a child to eat and you can't force a child to sleep, but you can get them to cooperate with basically everything else.

I learned this because at least twice a day, every day, I have to force my toddler to wear a vest that vibrates and shakes her entire body for 30 minutes each time. It helps her combat cystic fibrosis, but it is in no way fun — unless I make it fun.

Distractions

The ability to distract a child can save you from countless embarrassing meltdowns and hundreds of grocery store tantrums. And it is easier than you think. It doesn't work every time, but you can harness the power of a good distraction. The trick is to know the signs of a tantrum in your child. When you can see the future, you can change it.

If your child is about to lose it over sitting in the cart in the grocery store, head to the children's isle and grab a book. Just make sure to tell her that she can't bring it home but she can look at while you shop. Give her your shopping list to hold and let her be a part of the shopping experience. Distract her from the dullness of grocery shopping (or the frustration of anything she doesn't like, but must be done) and you will both be happier.

Options

Everyone loves having a choice, including your toddler. Just this morning, my daughter wanted to wear her vest in her bed instead of on the couch. But I had already set the whole thing up in the living room and was not about to lug it all to her bedroom. So she got a choice. She could wear the vest in the living room and watch whichever DVD she wanted or she could wear the vest in the living room and not watch a DVD at all. She quickly chose the first option. Giving her a choice lets her feel like she has some power (even though this power is minimal at best).

Expectations (and Consequences)

There shouldn't ever be a question in your child's mind about what is expected of her. She'll try to push you and the limitations you have in place from time to time, but overall, she'll stick to what she knows in an effort to avoid the consequences.

Everything in life has consequences. If you drive through a stop sign, you will hit another car. If you study hard, you will do well in school. At bedtime, my daughter has to be in bed. She doesn't have to go to sleep. She can read books if she wants to, as long as she stays in her bed. If she gets out of her bed, she loses her books for the night. It works about 90% of the time. She knows I'm serious, so unless she is overly tired, she stays in her bed and is asleep within minutes. It's just up to me to make sure she's in bed on time to avoid the overtired meltdown.

The same goes during the day. If she does something she has been told not to do, she gets a timeout. Since she knows I'm serious, it only takes that first warning to get her to stop. And if she pushes me, to timeout she goes, kicking and screaming the entire way. I've had parents tell me that their child won't do timeouts. Really? You're the parent. She is the child. By the laws of nature, you are the boss. Set your expectations and follow through with the consequences and your child will catch on. Just know that it might take a month.

A day with a toddler won't always go smoothly. There will be tantrums. There will be meltdowns. But the number of them will significantly decrease as long as you know what to do and your child knows what to expect.