Both of my sons were fed pumped breast milk in bottles for the their first year (entry on exclusive pumping following soon!) and I have got to say that I derived perverse pleasure from shooting down invasive comments made to me by strangers who assumed it was formula. An example…

“You’re in a bookstore; maybe you should read about how to be a parent instead of sitting there reading your magazine and feeding your baby that crap,” was my favorite - spat out at me by a little yoga-pant goddess over the rail that separated my table in the Barnes and Noble from her line in the Starbucks as her two equally scowly, not at all Zen yoga-pant friends fixed their gaze on the prey (it must have been before their class, because they were not relaxed). I really admired the precision of the attack – it just summed me up to a tee: I'm a Springer-watching slob, feeding my baby probably the cheapest generic formula I could find at Walmart, no doubt mixed at the incorrect ratio with water from a rusty garden hose, and I'm a borderline illiterate who only came in for the free air-conditioning and chooses to read a magazine when the newest must-read nanny memoir Yoga-Pants came in to grab is not five feet away. Okay, I had no make-up on and my mess of hair was tied in a knot on top of my head, and I never could read Proust in a wooden café chair amid the din of “ Iced Venti Decaf Nonfat Soy Latte Extra Shot for Jen!” so Entertainment Weekly was going to have to suffice.

So, I bent over my kid who was happily drinking in his car carrier, all the while looking up at Yoga-Smug, and said, “Honey, I’m gonna have to take away that bottle of milk that took me nearly a half hour to express because this lady who knows everything thinks it’s crap. I think she wants to buy you a Frappuccino.” There was no apology or, “Oh I feel so stupid, I didn’t know;” it was a sputter of, “Well, you can see why I’d say that” as she withdrew eye contact and went back to talking with her friends. What a downward dog.

Another time, and again in the Barnes and Noble, an elderly woman approached me, astonished, and asked quietly, “You aren’t giving that sweet baby chocolate milk, are you, dear?” I just kind of quizzically said “No?” and she asked why his milk was so brown. We both realized that she came into the store with her dark sunglasses on and giggled about it, but there was still quite a bit of scrutiny involved over my little inconspicuous son sitting practically under the table with barely any of his bottle's contents even visible in the spaces between his chubby fingers. Good eyes, Grandma! Those shades must have been prescription.

Now, my kids were in fact drinking breast milk, but what if it hadn’t been? Okay, the chocolate milk assumption was a fluky weirdness, but what if it was formula and why would it be everybody’s business? Would it make a difference if it had been organic formula? As far as the world is concerned, formula is still considered viable nourishment for babies, right? Babies who are fed formula grow up to be productive members of society - there is no Formula Defense like the Twinkie Defense. No expert has decreed that the prisons and asylums are rife with the wretched bottle-fed. Nonetheless, how miserable of a personal sob story would I have to divulge to my don’t-know-me-from-Mildred accusers to earn a pardon? Why should I or anyone else have to justify it in the first place?

The truth is that we have become excessively politicized and judgmental about how mothers choose to feed their babies. Whether a mother decides to breastfeed or use formula is based on a number of individual factors, including cultural, psychological, situational and physical, but above all: private. Circumstances like having a condition that affects milk supply, a tongue-tied baby that can’t latch, returning to a job with little support for nursing mothers, perhaps having been traumatized by a sexual assault, or coming from a culture or family history that frowns upon breastfeeding are not taken into consideration by the self-appointed lactation police when they feel the need and the right to accost the mother who whips out a bottle.

I have to wonder what such a person hopes to gain by berating a woman who has chosen not to breastfeed. In nearly every case, the woman has likely stopped producing milk, so even on the very remote chance that she were to change her mind based on being shamed, she can’t reverse the decision. So please moms, don’t be bullied. And if you are the Booby Cop, stop running around town making citizen's arrests like you're Gomer Pyle.