Does being a mom (or dad) ever drive you crazy? Here are my secrets to staying sane.

Keep my own stash of chocolate. I wish I had realized this basic truth (that chocolate is good for you) sooner rather than later. Having guilt-free access to chocolate, not having to share, not having to explain why some chocolate is okay but not massive amounts, etc. is essential to my well-being.

Join a book club. For the past few years, I’ve met a group of women (there are 6 of us in all but usually 2-4 at each meeting) to talk about books. We all have boys, now 14-15 years and high school freshmen. We’ve read In Cold Blood, Lord of the Flies, The Thirteenth Tale, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Teacher Man, Nickled and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, Memoirs of a Geisha, The Kite Runner, and more; we’ll be talking about Mudbound in a week or so.

Our discussions cover storytelling methods, language conventions, symbolism, and personal experiences relating to our own childhoods and our children’s growing-up years. We also delve into more sensitive topics that might not surface in day-to-day conversations: how teasing and bullying can turn deadly (Lord of the Flies); the impact of social status, loyalty, and betrayal among children (The Kite Runner); coping or escape mechanisms of parents of children with learning differences (The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time). 

Have friends who have grown children. It is helpful to see or hear about how children turn out based on varying approaches to parenting. If you snag friends who have children a few to several years older than you, you can watch them (parents and children) go through stages before you get there; the parents often have up-to-date advice and sometimes encouragement for those who are a step or two behind them. And young adults who you may have befriended in the process of getting to know their parents can be especially helpful in interpreting 'tween and adolescent culture.

Eat take-out for dinner. I love to cook and I truly want my kids to eat the healthiest food possible, which is usually not a restaurant meal. Being somewhat frugal, I also try to limit dinner purchases. But, I’ve found, Chinese (and more recently, Japanese) take-out is relatively inexpensive and moderately healthy; there are vegetables even if the fat and sodium levels are higher than I’d prefer. It’s the sanity saving aspect, though, of not having to plan (one more) meal, shop for groceries, cook, and wash dishes that I enjoy.

Get some quiet time. I have a child who is truly charming but chatters endlessly when not playing with friends, reading, or building Lego creations. My quieter one also likes attention and often wants to talk. Getting 20-30 minutes alone can take effort.

Last year, I cleared out a then-storage room in my house and created what is now known as the library: a room that houses 4 large bookcases and lots of books along with a television set (my first-ever second television in the home), day bed, chair, and some occasionally organized Legos. I did envision some time alone there but other family members are often there instead. Still, their occupation of the library downstairs has freed up space upstairs so now I have quiet moments to read, write, or watch non-ESPN, non-Nick shows.

Set goals. Setting and working toward goals can be both relaxing and stress-inducing. But having a purpose in life that doesn’t involve children and a focus not necessarily homeward/inward can be beneficial. For me, a goal may be to read a designated book or number of books, get a new certification (I’m looking at becoming a certified lifeguard so that I can supervise water-related Boy Scout trips), or bicycle a certain number of miles in a year. 

I’ve found that pursuing goals may require struggling to learn new things or skipping a nap on a weekend afternoon. When I tried to read The Grapes of Wrath, for example, because reading the classics is a long-term goal, I found it tedious and instead listened to the unabridged audio version.

All of this effort has made me more empathetic to my children, less apt to think of them as lazy or unmotivated when they wonder (or complain) about how to complete a class project, stick with a fitness conditioning plan, or prepare for a backpacking trip.  

Staying sane, I've learned, is good not just for me but also for my children. 

Do you have ways of staying sane? Share them!