From the day I brought him home, my firstborn was on a serious schedule. It wasn’t because of something I read in any parenting book. Before conceiving, and while I was pregnant, I read everything I could get my hands on. There were even two or three websites twelve years ago that were devoted to such things as trimesters and inducing labor. I knew everything there was to know about dilation and forceps.

Once my baby arrived, I was on to the next big project: getting my post-partum self back to work. My only goal in life became getting him ready to go to daycare in three months. In order to be successful, he’d need a routine and I’d need sleep. What I didn’t know then was that my near obsession with getting my son on a schedule and sleeping in his own bed would serve our relationship for years to come.

What Builds Trust?

If you haven’t had a chance to watch the PBS series, This Emotional Life, I recommend you do. It’s all about the science of happiness. Not surprisingly, things that happen to us very early on can set us up for a happier life. I’ve known for a while — ever since my kids could hold a conversation — that they trust me. I can feel it, and I’ve always attributed it to the fact that I’m honest with them. Ever since they could understand, I’ve tried to tell them what to expect, and tried too to deliver on my word.

My direct style hasn’t hurt, nor has delivering on my word, but what also contributed to my children’s trust came earlier. It was born in those highly structured routines I created with my first out of necessity, and repeated with the second out of convenience. Turns out what I did instinctively is a key component of Attachment Parenting.

From Swaddling to Secrets

My son was one of those babies that craved the tight security of a good old-fashioned flannel receiving blanket. The nurses taught me how to ‘wrap him like a burrito’ before I took him home. That technique became key to our nighttime routine. After he was fed, my son got a tight wrap and then a binky. We woke at the same time every night for feedings, and in the morning he received more of the same. As he grew up, our schedule remained steady, changing only incrementally. Even today our family relies heavily on routine. On an ordinary day, everyone knows what to expect from morning until tucking in.

That’s my favorite part now — the tucking in. My son still likes a tight blanket, and now when I go into his room for the kiss goodnight, he lets me stay a while. Sometimes he even tells me a secret. For a tween, that’s the ultimate in trust.