Driving to the infertility clinic for the last time today, I was bracing myself for hard emotions, knowing this was it, no more attempts at baby making, well the medical kind at least….Dr.’s really don’t know everything.....bigger miracles have happened.   But sadness was not an emotion I felt.   I started to feel a sense of closure on one part of this journey to parenthood that Michael and I have been on for the better part of two years.  Closure to the hormones, marked up calendars that have nothing to do with exciting social events, and to the list of things I can and cannot do to my body in the form of food, fun and hormone cocktails.  It is closed, it is finished.  We leave this chapter unsuccessful, but not defeated.  We are now embracing the path that we may have been fighting since I first starting desiring a family full of children at the ripe age of 14.   We have made the decision to initiate the adoption process.

Though this decision came quick, it did not come lightly. 

 Emotions may rule at the top of the list of factors in this process, but finances were the first check on our list of aspects to come to terms with.  We can work on our emotions, come to terms with never feeling the joys and pains of pregnancy, and our clarity of being on the right or wrong path, but without funds to support our new direction, a Rocky Mountain size boulder would block our path.

Adoption is not cheap, however with the $11,000 tax credit and other financial assistance in the form of grants, write offs and future help with education, the price tag of $15,000 – $30,000, became more manageable, and cheaper than IVF.  (This link is a very helpful chart on financing adoption and also includes helpful links: Financing Adoption)

Also important on our list of factors in deciding on the adoption process was our faith.  Did we pray about it enough, did we feel this was along the lines of our purpose,  were more doors being opened than closed to give us the idea that something bigger than us, was truly leading us in this direction (another wrong turn on this journey just might finally do our hearts in)?   The answer was yes, not immediately, but after a few undeniable activities in our life, and Michael and I being 100% on the same page, we have the peace that this is the journey we are to be on.  I don’t have a helpful link or document to refer to for making this part of the decision, but contacting a leader or ministry at your place of faith, can assist in gaining a clear perspective.

Emotionally, wow, can we handle all the emotions that come along with adoption?  To us, this has many parts to it.

1)      Can we handle the emotions on the journey to not only  being matched with a birth mother, but to actually finalizing all the paper work, and not ever having to worry that this child will be taken back by the birth mother who so unselfishly gave he or she to us in the first place?  After looking into this, I found that there are laws (check your state) in Colorado that gives birth mothers the option to terminate their right to take the baby back for up to 30 days.  This does not guarantee the birth mother will not change her mind before then, or sign that paperwork, but it is encouraging. It helps us deal with the idea of an excruciating 30 days of having a baby in our home, and then having he or she taken away. (Here is link that offers information and resources for laws concerning adoption – Federal and State: Adoption Laws)

2)      On top of this, can we handle the vulnerability that comes with putting ourselves out there to the birth mothers in the form of an “adoption book” or “adoption letter” that highlights the happiest, and most “family oriented” moments of our life to date?  A book or letter that says, yes, we are going to be an exceptional set of parents, our marriage is solid, and we will give your child that loving home, and solid foundation for life that you so want this baby to have.    (These are links to articles on how to Write a Dear Birth Mother Letter , Writing a Birth Mother Letter.)

3)      And, can we continue to handle the waiting!  We don’t really have a choice on this one, and realized that filling our life with creative outlets, love for each other, activities that we enjoy, that will also help us become even better parents, may not fill the void clouding our disposition, but it does help.

4)      Can we handle the awkward moment of being called to meet with a birth mother who picked us along with other couples that caught her heart, hoping we don’t say anything foolish to lose our chances, while trying to contain our respect and joy for this selfless young woman from blubbering out all over the place.

5)      How do we deal with the call that says, “she connected more with someone else” or the call that says, "she wants her child to be raised by you” and the many emotions and fears that follow either of these scenarios? 

Well, the truth to these last few questions is that we do not know. But we have come this far on our journey, we have remained focused and strong, most of the time,  and still want a child, something we do not ever see changing.  So though we have found answers to many of our questions and roadblocks, we do not have answers to the emotional aspects that come now, and during the child rearing years.  But that’s okay, just like with infertility treatments, we will take this walk, one step at a time, knowing, we are closer than we have ever been to taking our future child to our house…..and giving he or she a home.

If you have thoughts on the adoption process, I look forward to hearing them!