I had no problem waiting the entire forty weeks to have this kid. Really, I'm not just saying that. I know how difficult it is to have a newborn, so relishing my last days as a parent of one sounded really nice to me. I even joked, I wouldn't mind going overdue. Hey, no matter how hard pregnancy is, and mine has been ridiculously easy, it beats the sleepless nights and figuring out how to juggle a busy almost-three-year-old whilst breastfeeding. I mean really, how is this going to work?

Well, everything changed a week before my due date. I attended a Christmas party and my mucus plug decided to come out. Yes, labor's a mess. I didn't think too much about it but everyone at the party got me going: I was officially in labor.

My mom said after her mucus plug came out it was two hours before her water broke. Another friend said it was a few hours, another said twelve. So in any case, my mind was convinced we were having this baby over the weekend. Possibly even over night. My body went into hyper drive, I packed the bags, cleaned, swept, organized baby clothes and became a manic maniac until two in the morning when I crashed next to my already asleep husband.

The next day I decided it was time to get this baby out. I needed to stimulate the labor.  It wasn't happening, so I had to A little internet research later, and I was on my way. Want to get that baby out? Here are some things to try:

1. Walking: This one is what every midwife and doctor will tell you. The swaying motion from your hips help the baby to move down into position and stimulate labor. Uphill is best according to the unofficial census I compiled.

2. Eating Spicy food: The greasier the better. Many women swear by that last Kung Pao Chicken dinner they had the night before their labor started. Just beware of what may happen out of the other end later. You've been warned.

3. Nipple Stimulation: As my husband says, “Hey, EVERYBODY Wins!” Yeah, not really. It's a great way to get your partner in on the fun, but be warned, nipple stimulation creates the same hormone in you that causes contractions. I was worried about getting a Pavlovian response to this one so a few hard contractions later, I stopped this one.

4. Sex: It's another win-win. You're not going to have time or energy for awhile after the newborn, so enjoy this one as much as you possibly can. I'll leave the positioning to your active imagination. The important thing to remember is that the semen works to create contractions similar to the nipple stimulation.

5. Castor Oil: I couldn't do it. We got as far as the grocery store parking lot and I chickened out. The thought of cramping out my dinner through the other end for three hours while I get contractions like a truck did not appeal to me. Everyone swears this works. I'm saying, I wasn't that desperate

Which brings me to the end of my tale. I was getting so caught up about controlling when this baby “should” come, I was forgetting to enjoy the last few days I had with my little threesome. I finally just forgot about having the baby and remembered to have fun. We got a Christmas tree, decorated it, played in the snow, and enjoyed the quiet before the storm. After all, the baby will come when he or she is perfectly ready.

Or on Tuesday by induction.

Hey, everybody's got to have a limit.