My kids deserve the best. I want to give them everything they need and some of the things that they want, and I wish for it to come to them with relative ease and with as little heartbreak as possible. Why is it that I find it so trying to give them the best of me?

Working from home and being a homeschooling parent can leave me frazzled (even on days when I have gotten a full night’s sleep.) I really, really want to be that patient, caring and sympathetic mom who can listen to her child with a compassionate ear and doles out wisdom like baby Tylenol.

I freak out easily, however. It is never more obvious that I am behaving badly than when I am speaking to a client. The phone conversation usually goes something like this:

“Oh, yes! I would be able to have that to you by 3 p.m. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Can I discuss the terms of the contract with you before then? Uh.. just a moment.” After pressing the hold button, I shriek, “Boys! How many times do I have to tell you that the Weiner Song is not appropriate to be singing at the dinner table? And please stop saying ‘poop’ all the time!”

I snap. I become someone else. My client gets the cool-headed, focused, and pleasant side of me. My poor kids get “Cranky Mommy.” Why does this happen?

As moms (and dads) continue to take on an increasing number of roles in their lives, it can become overwhelming to please all the people that demand things from us. We know that if we upset our boss, we might lose our job. If we tick off that banker, our loan might not go through. Our kids and spouses, however, are usually along for the long-haul, and so we somehow excuse poor behavior directly toward them.

I know that this thinking is wrong. I wouldn’t want to be snapped at, either. I also know that husbands DO leave, and kids can grow up thinking that Mom is a flaky, psycho sniper. So what’s a stressed-out parent to do?

Structure – Make a schedule (a very loose one), and try to stick to it. This doesn’t mean that child interruptions should be ignored. This means that your client can’t cut into playtime with Johnny. Period. While this is really hard to do at first, you can put family at the core of your routine and pencil in the other people in your life. Grandma may just have to come visit after your nap. (She’ll get over it.)

Planning – When I get close to deadline, I flip. I procrastinate by nature, so I shouldn’t be surprised by the impending limits of my time. This is MY problem, not my children’s, and it’s only going to be solved by better planning.

Loosen up – Just because there is lots of work to do, doesn’t mean that I can’t sneak a kiss to hubby in between emails. And the world will NOT end if my internet goes down. (It will just rock a bit from side to side…)

What things have you learned from combining career with caregiving? Like most things, it is only after my kids show me how much they unconditionally care for me that I snap out of selfish mode and give them the attention and consideration they deserve. Kids are such good teachers.