Ron Mattocks invented "sugar milk" to solve one of his most annoying pet peeves at the time. He wrote Sugar Milk to chronicle those times and express the frustration, as well as the insights, that come with an abrupt departure from corporate America and immediate immersion into stay-home parenting. Toss in a divorce, some stepchildren, and too little money and you've got enough stories to fill a book. Ron Mattocks, who is a featured contributor to Man of the House.com, The Good Men Project Magazine, and Houston Family, did that beautifully and was kind enough to share with Parenting Squad some thoughts about family, fatherhood, and what it takes to put it all "out there." (You'll have to read the book to find out what sugar milk really is.)

PS: The essays in Sugar Milk read almost like a flipped over chick lit novel with the high-powered dad losing it all to learn the value of family. How did "failure" in the traditional sense contribute to your success as a father?

RM: During those working years I valued my family, but I think what was missing was me not valuing my identity as a parent. Before, my identity was built on measurable factors like annual reviews, performance bonuses, promotions, etc. Not to sound flippant, but being a father was just something I did along the way, and to some extent I gauged my abilities as a dad in relation to how well I provided for them. So by this standard, I thought I was doing pretty well. After losing my job, however, that element was gone. In fact, without all those measurable indicators, my whole identity was gone. It took me a while, but the conclusion I finally arrived at was that my identity couldn't come from external sources of validation; instead, it had to come from an internal self-assuredness that I was doing the best I could in whatever role I had — in this case as a stay-at-home dad. If I had to measure my parenting skills, though, it would be by the number of hugs and "I love you's" I get.

PS: What is one thing parents who go to work outside the home every day can learn from parents who work — for money or for the benefit of the family — at home?

RM: I'd have to say not to underestimate your role. One parent may be the "primary caregiver," but that's just a way of indicating who does the majority of the child-related work — diapers, laundry, meals, etc. There's no primary or secondary designator when it comes to who is the parent. Both are equals.

PS: Are "stay home dads" still edgy, still unique? Or are we getting to the point where it's just as common for young couples to choose that the father stay home instead of the mother?

RM: There's a contingent of SAHD's that are like, "What's the big deal? We've been staying at home for a while now." Their point being that the whole SAHD thing didn't get a lot of attention until the economy tanked. My hat's off to those guys because they chose to take on their role, unlike me and all the others who were forced into it. As far as it being seen as common, though, I don't think our society is there yet, except for in certain circles. Dads being more involved as a parent? Yes. Dads taking kids to play groups, getting their lunches and putting them down for nappy time? No. The stigma is still there. Hey, even my own boys keep asking me when I'm going to get a "real" job. I tell them that they are my job, and, oh by the way, they need to give me a raise or I'm going on strike.

PS: Do work-at-home dads have an advantage or a disadvantage over moms in the same situation?

RM: I don't know if there are any advantages or disadvantages, per se. I do think parenting styles come into play, though. Generally speaking, men are known for a more laid back style, and maybe don't feel as much pressure as moms who are judging themselves by their ability to successfully juggle their working from home and taking care of the kids. But, I'll admit that's a broad generalization.

PS: Although humorous, Sugar Milk is also full of emotion. What was most challenging part about writing the book?

RM: The most challenging part was forcing myself to be honest about my feelings and my mistakes. I put myself out there for a lot of people to judge me. I get a lot of questions about why I ever left Chicago and my boys, for example. The other side of that topic was me openly questioning my motives in making that decision rather than trying to justify it. Justifying myself in the situation wouldn't have resonated well with readers and they would have seen right through it. I had to show my vulnerability to strangers and that's hard enough to do with people I know.

PS: A lot of the essays in Sugar Milk deal with the adjustment from work life to home life. What advice can you give parents who find themselves unexpectedly playing the role of stay home parent?

RM: It's not an easy transition and there are a whole range of emotions you will likely feel if you didn't choose to — anger, guilt, worthlessness, doubt, loneliness. This is natural, and you have to let yourself feel them; don't bottle them up. Talk to your spouse about it, and know you are not alone. There's a whole online community that's been through this, too. Connect with them as much as possible.

PS: In the book, you talk about the pain of living a long distance from your sons. What can parents in the same situation do to maintain relationships with their children?

RM: Know it's going to take a lot of extra effort. If the other parent is supportive, that will help of course, but it's not their responsibility to make sure that the relationship with your kids is maintained. I try to keep in regular contact with my boys by calling every night (as much as is practical) and on special occasions. Having routines like this also gives them something reassuring about you being there for them. There are other things like emails and special packages, but keeping up routines is what I work at most.

PS: If you could have one superhero power for parenting, what would it be?

RM: Flying would be good for escaping, but I'll go with super speed. I could get so much more done in a day ...and the kids couldn't catch me.

Who doesn't want to fly, and get more things done? Thanks, Ron, for your thoughtful and candid answers. Come back Monday for a chance to win a copy of Ron's book, Sugar Milk. And don't forget to check out Ron's take on life as a stay-at-home dad in a blended family on his blog, Clark Kent's Lunchbox.