Your appointment with the infertility specialist starts with the dreaded words,  “issues", or in our case, “abnormalities with reproduction”.  On top of never being able to hear these words with a simple meaning again, feeling scared and devastated, and a having a very sick feeling in the pit of your stomach for the journey that you are about to embark on, you are lost.

Lost in what you feel, what you should feel, how you and your spouse are going to make it through this, how you are going to pay for this monster of a path ahead, how you are going to maneuver your life and work schedule to make all your Dr. appointments, how you are going to attend your sisters baby shower next weekend,  and how you are going to know which decisions to make regarding  the different options ahead of you.   

I know this feeling well, and it can be overwhelming to say the least.   Luckily for Michael and I, we have people in our life that have struggled with infertility themselves and could point us in the right direction, a handful of very loving and supportive people who want to support Michael and I, and I have a strange compulsion for finding resources to make everything more effective and clear.  

1.       Get on the same team with your spouse if you are not already there. You are going through this together, no one else will ever understand this journey the way you two will.  During infertility, there are going to be many reasons for you to fight and grow a part from each other (divorce rates are higher for couples going through infertility), but they are just that, reasons, not necessities.  Utilize this journey as a way to strengthen the communication and bond with your partner.   When you fight this battle as a united team, and when you make your many decisions together, your success, security, and growth from this journey will be stronger.

2.       Enlist outside support.  I have am blessed to have a group of very supportive friends and family.  I have called them many times with endless questions, venting, tears, disappointments, frustrations, celebrations, and prayer requests.  Endless!  I know they are sick of hearing about it, but they listen with understanding ears and empathetic hearts.   Often times infertility brings up emotions and issues than can be very difficult, embarrassing and sometimes shameful to discuss.  Getting these emotions out will be beneficial to your healing and will allow you to move forward. 

a.        I also know that there are many people I cannot call when in need (either because they just can’t or don’t want to offer the empathy, or they are not comfortable with the emotions mentioned above).  They are important people in my life, but not my enlisted support warriors, and that is okay.   Knowing this has saved me from many hurtful and frustrating situations, and also helped me to not feel so alone on this very isolating journey.

                                                               i.       If your support is limited within your family and friends, here is a link to a website that helps you find a support group in your area: Support  Groups.

3.       Utilize your local library and internet to educate yourself on the options that you are faced with.  Also, keep a pen and paper handy when you are going about your day-to-day activities, so that any time a question pops up, you can write it down and not forget it when the emotions  at  the actual Dr. appointment come through.

a.        My husband and I were never certain about how we felt about IVF, yet it seemed to keep presenting itself in an undeniable way.   We went to our local library and armed our self with information on IVF and we were soon able to make a decision that we knew was right for us.  Along the way we have been faced with many more decisions regarding our values, our health, and our future children’s health (the amount of consent forms you sign can be enough to give you a panic attack).  Knowing that we have information to help us make these decisions, and that we don’t have to make them blindly or with only our Dr.’s opinion, has given us a sense of peace and confidence regarding our path. 

b.      Below are links to helpful sites.  Don’t forget to Google your local library for hours and locations.  

                                                              i.      Inc. Moms – This was started as a website to help moms find a job that allows them work from home, but now also includes resources, thoughts, and forums for infertility, adoption and pregnancy loss.

                                                            ii.      Stepping Stones - This organization is a sister site for Bethany.org.  These organizations focus on helping families through infertility through information, resources and support.  Also focused on here is adoption and foster information.  I recommend signing up for their newsletter that offers very genuine insight from others suffering from infertility and pregnancy loss.

4.       Understand your financial resources to help prepare yourself for the many bills that will soon be inundating your bank account. 

a.       Make an appointment with your specialist’s billing office to get a ball park figure of what all of your different options will cost. 

b.      You can also see if you have medical insurance that covers infertility, as well as what the different payment plans are that your specialist and partnering financing centers offer.  Both your specialist and your health insurance company will have this information, don’t let them tell you differently (I have had a few battles here).

c.       Ask about studies and other ways to have your medical bills minimized. You can also see if  past patients have donated their left over perscriptions, needles and other misc. things to minimize the little and big costs.

d.      If you are adopting, there are many adoption credits that can be taken advantage of. You can view some of these here:   Financing Adoption

e.      Adjust your spending and evaluate your sources for financing this costly journey.   Here is a link to an article on one couples methods to financing their infertility bills:  The Price of Parenthood

Gaining perspective on these four areas can be an empowering start to what feels like a powerless path.   Instead of being an infertility patient, you can be an infertility warrior!