Infertility can be a lot like people watching. It's you, the fertility challenged, on a beautiful summer day. You watch everyone around you laugh, smile and enjoy each new experience around them. Sadly you sit frozen, just watching, unable to enjoy the many elements of life taking place.

It's your little sister giving birth to her second child. Watching your best friend get engaged to her long-term boyfriend. A stranger at a restaurant celebrating a job promotion. It does not quite matter what the monumental event is in another person's life. The event is a reminder that others are moving forward with life as you remain stuck. You are stuck in the uncomfortable life phase of married without children, but not by choice.

What Do You Do?

Adjust Your Plan

It may not be fair that you are adjusting your life plan while everyone around you is moving from one exciting milestone to the next, but it is one of the few actions you are in control of on this journey.

Are there career goals, personal interests, creative desires to be explored? Do you have a bucket list you and your spouse can start working on? These actions will not take away your desire to have a family, but they will help the time of limbo pass with more purpose and joy.

Seek Out Friends in Similar Circumstances

If there are not others around you in a fertility challenged circumstance, look in other directions for a social network. Infertility support groups, fertility challenged couples at your church, or even the sweet couple you met at your last doctor's appointment can provide opportunity for new relationships. Soon you will find yourself in a friendship with others adjusting their life plan too. Another benefit is that you will have met someone to relate with about the many infertility emotions.

Give Back

You may feel like you do not have anything to give when depression from infertility takes over. The reality is you have much to give, and now is the time to do so. Constantly focusing on the unfairness of your situation is a natural reaction. Sadly, this focus strengthens the hold depression and a feeling of limbo has.

Research and personal experience show that giving to others is an effective tool in alleviating depression. It is a powerful way to turn your focus away from infertility and toward others. If you do not know where to start, call your local Rescue Mission. Serving food to a hungry family can fill your heart in a joyful way.

An infertile path is a difficult path with unique blessings. Focus on the areas you can control. The deep longing for a child may not go away, but joy will show itself in unexpected ways.

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