Explaining Gay and Lesbian identitites to the Kids, Part 1
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• Should the moms, get married soon, we will undoubtably be explaining a concept we haven’t overtly discussed. My kids hang out with their lesbian grandmothers day in and day out but it’s no different for them than when they hang out with my father in law and his girlfriend. They are surrounded by grandparent adults who love them and first and foremost, that’s the main concern.
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• Until middle school, we don’t, as a society, talk much about heterosexuality though it’s forced down our throats in strict codes of dress, media, and religious attitudes. Take the same approach here. We don’t really talk about what a mom and dad do in the bedroom do we? So we don’t need to go there for mom and mom either in our explanations of what’s going on in the news.
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• Perhaps the greatest explanation of anything related to same sex relationships I ever got was in second grade when my mother explained that the babysitter and father figure I so adored was gay. What’s that? I remember asking. I can’t marry him when I growup?! My mother sighed. Well she said, when you grow up you’ll fall in love with someone. That person and you will have this strange inexplicable connection where you feel like you are one person at times. For most girls that will happen with a boy. For most boys that will happen with a girl. But for many girls that will happen with a girl instead and for many boys that will happen with a boy instead. It doesn’t really matter. So long as you love the person and he or she loves you back. In the case of our family friend, my mother explained, he felt that connection with other men.
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• Only one time in our families history did sexuality play a huge role. My brother for awhile dated a religious woman who frowned on him having lesbian mothers and convinced my brother that it was dangerous for the moms to be around my nephew. What she thought they’d do to my nephew I’m not quite sure. But at least he had enough sense to realize that she was breaking our family apart and that she was the one that needed to get her head on straight, not the rest of us.
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• I take heart in knowing that many kids raised today in gay families go through less and less turmoil every year as society slowly begins to realize that gay and lesbian families are out there and not going away. Studies have been done already that note that the kids from such unions are usually very stable and open minded than some of their counterparts. Go us!
• More to come as this unfolds…
About Margaret Garcia-Couoh
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I don't think kids even fathom what's going on. As far as sexuality goes, they don't even understand what that means, and for all intents and purposes, like you said, the kids have two grandmother's who love them. It's sure beats having a grandfather who is distant and can't relate to kids.
I'm not completely clear on the legal marriage thing. I thought couples were getting married in San Francisco. Is this a local issue or a state issue?
I think you're right, there's much more acceptance of gay relationships today than even a few years ago. We have cousins who are gay and my kids have grown up with a family friend who is transgender-- they're definitely exposed to a lot more different relationships than I was when growing up.
Karen Putz
Mom to David, Lauren and Steven
"Life is too short to pout all the time!"
Hello. And Bye. :)
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