A couple of news stories I came across back-to-back this morning drew a big fat line under the old "Sheesh ... we can't do anything right!" feeling that parents get all too often.

The first is about "boomerang" kids, those grown darlings suffering from "failure to launch" ... not to be confused with "failure to lunch," as that is delivered sofa-side along with a cold beer, clean socks and freshly-ironed YSLs.

It's the old-homestead-as-a-free-hotel mentality that's taken hold in the UK to the tune of a rise in grown men putting their feet up on the family coffee table and their mitts in the fridge up from 59% fifteen years ago to 80% today.

Although "boomerang" is the common term, many of these kids never left in the first place, so the only thing they come back home from is the movies.

With a click of the mouse, we morph to this USA Today piece that lets us know in no uncertain terms that "meddling parents of grown children pay a dear price."
Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a psychologist at Clark University in Worcester, Mass., who coined the term "emerging adulthood," says these young adults "guard their independence zealously." "If they felt parents were intruding too much, they'd just tell them less," he says. "If parents are still intruding and monitoring them closely, there will be resentment and conflict."
Emerging adult? That sounds a lot like "teenager" to me, and monitoring that species of human is a big part of the job description under the word "parent" when used as a verb.

Monitor, however, does not mean "wait upon hand and foot" or "rescue from every possible consequence", as that leaves the door open for leaving the door open, a circumstance that may not do anyone any good. (See above.)

So, what's a parent to do?

Well, you can use my method ... move halfway around the world sometime after the kids leave the nest and get their own lives up and running ... but it's pretty rough on everyone, and not an option for most people.

There's always walking a fine line; that's what most parents do, and the teen years are good for developing the balance to pull it off. Tweeking the level of independence kids get as they move through puberty and beyond is an inexact science, but unless you've managed to get your hands on the manual that lays out the formula ... I could never find one ... you're winging it like all the rest of us.

Personally, I have never been fond of the boomerang analogy. The throwing bit seems too abrupt, the return too chancy, and the likelihood of smacking dangerously into something too big to go over or around too strong.

I like to think of kids more as bowling balls gently released from a guiding hand toward worthy goals, and with a smooth return very near. One day, another lane beckons and they head toward their very own pins with barely a glance at poor old mom as she gazes wistfully at the score sheet, trying to figure out how all those squares filled up so fast.