Parenting Squad

Holiday Card Action

Margaret Garcia-Couoh — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 03:24:54 -0500

While some may think shielding children from reality is the best way to deal with tragedy in the world, others think that age appropriate explanations and discourse is the way to go. Our family chooses the latter.

“Each year during the winter holidays, Amnesty International asks friends and members to send messages of support to prisoners and human rights defenders around the world. Holidays can mean little to those who fear they've been forgotten by the world. A simple greeting card, however, can bring renewed hope,” (Amnesty International).

What we do to work this into our holiday season is to invite other kids and their parents to come one afternoon on or around December 10th (International Human Rights Day). I supply paper, pens, crayons, and have the pre-writers draw. The older kids write a brief message to whomever we’ve selected to write. Usually I print out the stories of the prisoners or the organizations working with them. I let the older children read through them and translate a bit for the younger ones. For my three year old I tell her that these people are ‘sad’ and can’t be with their families right now so we are writing to cheer them up. My kids LOVE cheering up everyone and anyone. They also love geography and we place a map on the big table so they can see where these letters will go.

It takes only an afternoon in December to make a difference in someone’s life and the activity of writing to prisoners and the organizations that support them supplies the day with many teachable moments. In many schools across the nation both public and private, teachers have incorporated letter writing as an option in lessons.

Sometimes we have community members that can’t make the date but want to participate. They usually donate money for postage or donate stamps or cards. It’s been a great way to stay connected to the world at large and to be doing what the season compels us to do: think with our hearts and to leave room in our lives for hope and joy.

Care to join us? If you live in Plumas County, California, stop on by the house on December 10th. If not organize your own:
http://www.amnestyusa.org/individuals-at-risk/holiday-card-action/page.d...
There’s also actions regarding children’s rights that are often of interest to other children:
http://www.amnestyusa.org/children/page.do?id=1011016
If after the experience you find yourself still enthusiastic:
http://www.amnestyusa.org/individuals-at-risk/global-write-a-thon/page.d...

Permalink | Comments | Margaret Garcia-Couoh's blog | Channel: Education, Learning Tools, Home School, Pre School, K-8, High School, Higher Education, Parent-Teacher, Extra Curricular

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"Finding Iris Chang" Helps Clear Mystery of a Mother Who Took Her Life

Carrie Kirby — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:11:17 -0500

By Carrie Kirby

Suicide is often a puzzle to those of us who have never tried it. The biggest puzzle for me, especially since I became a mother, has been how a mother could intentionally, permanently separate herself from her child or children? We know as mothers that we are capable of withstanding great pain for the good of our progeny -- do we not become mothers through hours of pain? So how could emotional pain ever be so bad that a woman is willing to leave her child alone in the world in order to end it?

The book Finding Iris Chang , by Paula Kamen, helped clear away some of that mystery for me. The book investigates the conditions of and the probable causes of the suicide of Chang, a phenomenally successful young author and activist. Her most famous book, The Rape of Nanking, was made into a documentary last year.

When Chang died in 2004, I was especially shaken to read that she had a son, almost 3 years old. I had recently become a mother myself, and I was alarmed that any force existed that could be strong enough to sever the bond I felt to my child. I was also shaken by the worry that this death had resulted from Chang's attempt to "have it all" -- to pursue a high-level writing career while raising a small child. I was a writer who had recently gone back to work after maternity leave. Could this happen to me?

Four years later, I read Kamen's book and put a name to the force that killed Chang: mental illness, more specifically, bipolar disorder. Kamen, like me, worries at first that Chang's death was the kind of thing that could happen to any of us if we pushed ourselves too hard. But her research exposes the lie of this line of thinking: suicide is not something that happens to just anyone. Overwhelmingly, it happens ot those who are mentally ill.

In her final weeks, it turned out, the brilliant scholar and committed mother was not just overworked by her dual role, she was experiencing psychosis. She was wrapped up in anxiety over myriad conspiracy theories she'd read about online, staying up nights consumed not just by work but by fears that she'd given her son autism with vaccines, and that there was an international government conspiracy against her personally. Given the controversial subjects of her writing, that last one is not so far-fetched as it sounds. And yet Kamen finds no evidence that it was real.

Chang seemed to believe what victims of severe post-partum depression sometimes believe: That her child would actually be better off without her. Considering that losing a mother is one of the worst possible things that can happen to a child, this belief as much as anything helps me understand that mothers who take their lives are almost always out of touch with reality. Indeed, the book explains that attempting suicide is not such an extreme, unusual act if you suffer from the disorder Chang did -- 50% of bipolar sufferers do it, compared to just 20% of people are diagnosed as depressed but not bipolar.

Kamen also delves into the effect that hormonal fertility treatments can have on women who already have or are vulnerable to mental illness. This was new information to me and something I think all women considering such treatment should know.

Kamen was a friend of Chang's, and writes from this perspective. Because of that, the book is also an interesting look at how little we sometimes know even longtime friends, and how much can be hidden beneath the veneer of an apparently perfect life.

The book's coming out in paperback next week. It's a bit too sad to be a good stocking stuffer, but I'd recommend it to any parent who has wondered as I have how parents who love their children could willingly leave them through death.

Note: This post contains affiliate links.

Permalink | 1 comment | Carrie Kirby's blog | Channel: Wellness

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Teacher Gifts Guaranteed To Be Loved

Julie Rains — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 13:26:45 -0500

By Julie Rains

My kids have outgrown the time for giving teacher gifts at school. But a post from rocksinmydryer on "Getting Practical About Teacher Gifts" reminded me of gift-giving strategies at my their elementary school: parents can control their spending but accommodate teachers’ wishes. These tips may work for you and your school, public, private, or home.

Easy as 1-2-3 Gift Giving

1. Teachers share their likes. Each year (or whenever it suits them), teachers fill out a form that indicates their preferences in categories such as: Favorite Restaurant, Favorite Snacks, Favorite Beverage, Classroom Wish List, and a even Big Item they’d love to have.

2. Preferences are placed in a notebook, alphabetized by teacher, and kept in a common area at the school. In my kids’ school, the book was placed in the PTA corner where volunteer information was available, such as name tags or a notebook to record volunteer hours. Any time parents happened to be at the school, they could look through the book, find and jot down the specifics of teacher’s preferences.

3. Parents and room parents consult the notebook for ideas for gifts, large and small. Parents who want to give a teacher a special treat could buy a gift certificate to his or her favorite restaurant or send in the teacher’s favorite candy, for example. Room parents might choose from classroom wish lists such as throw pillows for a reading nook or tools for the class garden.

One year, a new teacher listed a rocking chair as one of her dreams for her classroom. The room parent asked for interest from parents and decided that he could buy the chair for $100 with a $5 donation from 20 parents. The teacher was thrilled with the gift.

1-2-3 gift giving works for birthdays, holidays, teacher appreciation days, and end-of-year celebrations.

This technique can also be applied to book fairs. Teachers review the titles and make a book wish list on index cards available to parents and students who visit the book fair. Parents can buy the book, mark it off the list (so that teachers wouldn’t get duplicate books), and have their children give the book to their teachers.

If your school hasn't yet put together teacher preference forms, you might consider giving:

gift cards to Target or office supply stores; teachers can select their own gifts or purchase classroom supplies rather than using their own money;
volunteer support (during which time you may discover teacher needs);
a personal note of appreciation (mentioned in the "Getting Practical" post and something I have done in the past), which is especially suitable for teacher appreciation day or end-of-year thanks.

The Perfect Gift?

I think most parents want to give their children's teachers (and everyone else in their lives) the perfect gift. What many teachers would love to have are students who are responsible, respectful, and eager to learn.

Permalink | 1 comment | Julie Rains's blog | Channel: K-8, Parent-Teacher

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Breaking the Bottle Habit (One Screech at a Time)

Linsey Knerl — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 23:25:02 -0500

By Linsey Knerl

My son will be two years old in January, and he is plenty old enough to be broken from his bottle habit. I picked a day (like any other) and just decided to do it. Here's what I learned, and why I'm glad it's over.

Had I nursed my son past 10 months, this might be a different story entirely. He was eager to wean when he did, pushing away the “milk” in favor of food, forks, and even a tiny little sippy cup. He was the youngest of four, and wanted to be big in every way. I embraced his independence as a sign of “easy” breaking of the bottle habit (when the time came, of course.)

Since Moses was a bit smallish, I decided to allow the bottle for naps, bedtime, and cuddletime. (And yes, I know it can rot their teeth if they sit with a mouthful of juice for any length of time. This guy sucked it down in less than a minute, and then rolled over and went to sleep.) We were so ready to get rid of the bottle around 18 months, especially when I found chewed up rubber nipples all over the house.

Then he got the flu. That icky, hovering, nasty, buggy sickness that left me ragged, all four kids whining, and my sense of priorities completely out of whack. Fearful that he would become dehydrated, I pushed the bottle at him a bit longer. I even invested in some new Born Free bottles to make the experience as pleasant as possible. He drank. He healed. I was happy.

Then he no longer needed the coddling. My husband said to me, “Isn't this a little old to be giving him bottles?” Of course he was right, but was he volunteering to stay up all night listening to him cry for his “baaw?”

It was a Tuesday, when I said, “Let's do it.” I grabbed up all the bottles from their hiding places (under the couch, in the couch, behind the couch) and washed up the sippies. Every time my son would ask for his “baaw” I would redirect him. “Let's play trucks!” or “Isn't the birdie pretty?” Most of the time it worked. The other times, I gave him a sippie at the table (I didn't want him walking all over the house with the cup as his best friend.)

Night times were the hardest. He would cry, “Mom?” Looking at me was torture. He didn't put up much of a fight, and sadly that made it more difficult. Teething came with a fury, leaving him screaming for his silicone crutch (I even contemplated giving him a pacifier, even though he never used one.) This was pathetic. I was having a harder time than he was.

Then it just stopped. He was laying down at night. Sometimes he would ask for a “baaw”, and I would give him a sippy with water. Other times he just rolled over and went to sleep. Both times, I would sit by his crib in the wooden rocker (a habit I started when the weaning began) and would listen to lullabies while he drifted off to sleep. I would grab my laptop for the final moments, using the quiet of the nursery to get a few articles edited or emails checked.

He is a happy boy. He rarely mentions the “baaw” now. The only setback we've had from the experience is a bit of constipation. (Getting him to drink is a bit difficult, because is such a busy boy.) We try to remember how many drinks he's had, and force a few more liquids at dinner. We're good to go.

I can't wait to start potty training.

Permalink | Comments | Linsey Knerl's blog | Channel: Discipline, Home Life, Conflict Resolution, Nutrition

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Review: The Emotes Books

Fred Lee — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:54:28 -0500

By Fred Lee

The Emotes books by Matt Casper and Ted Dorsey are a hip and contemporary twist on children’s fiction, and present us with a refreshing new look at many of the age old issues that face children today, including fear of new experiences, making healthy lifestyle choices, and dealing with bullies.

In the stories, we are introduced to the high tech, make-believe cyber-world of Emotia. We are told that it is a place that came about when the emotions of the world’s internet users came together to form a new “super energy” universe, and it is inhabited by the Emotes, who are “kids” that ride to school on hover boards, take the gyro-bus to camp, and eat Cyber flakes for breakfast. Each character represents a different emotion (thus the name), and they are all overseen by an omnipresent mentor, A-Net.

The books are illustrated with bright, colorful drawings, and the characters are cute and inviting with a definite Japanese anime feel. The same cast of characters appears in every story, but each book revolves around one central individual who best personifies the theme that is going to be addressed, and at the end of each story, a series of exercises are designed to promote that message.

In Jumpi Goes to Camp, the main character, Jumpi (the nervous one) is terrified of new experiences, to the point where he has a hard time even getting out of bed. With a little help from his friends, however, Jumpi manages to confront his fears and take a good long look at why he is afraid, ultimately growing in the process.

In Abash and the Cyber Bully, we witness to the age old them of bullying, but in the modern context of internet. Abash (the embarrassed one) finds himself in a compromising situation, and when he is targeted by a cyber-bully, a growing problem in the real world, a series of events unfolds that helps everyone become more aware of this problem.

And finally, in Drain and the Mystery of Sleep, we examine the important concepts of proper nutrition and healthy lifestyle habits.

Even though the Emotes inhabit a high tech world of fantasy, the take home message in all of the books is that kids are still basically kids and they experience the same problems that our children experience today.

There is no indicated age range, but I’m guessing it’s geared to the 8-11 year old crowd, though that’s getting to the upper limit of kids who gravitate to picture books. I thought that younger children or kids who are less tech-savvy might get lost in some of the terminology, though that is probably not an issue, because those elements are not critical to the story or the message.

I also found it interesting that there were no parents. When you get down to it, at some point we really are out of the loop when it comes to our kids’ lives, especially when they are at school. The presence of A-Net, an overseeing icon who dispenses wisdom, seemed more effective, and helped promote the idea of older kids working things out for themselves while developing greater independence from mom and dad.

Our kids really enjoyed the books, especially Audrey, who loves to read. She gave them a big “thumbs-up,” though I know she’s not as tech savvy as other kids her age (she’s almost eight) and I’m guessing that she didn’t understand many of the computer references. Audrey and Nicholas both loved the Jumpi doll, which was a huge bonus and a great way to not only get kids interested in a book, but to help them bond with the characters in the story.

I read them to Nicholas, who is five, and though it was thematically above his level, the messages were clear, and we found the exercises at the end of each book to be helpful.

All in all, we enjoyed reading about the world of Emotia. Though I’m more of a traditionalist in terms of children’s fiction, I found these books to be clever, with fun characters, good themes, and valuable messages, though I had to wrestle with my kids to see who got to hold the Jumpi Doll.

For the record, they won.

Permalink | Comments | Fred Lee's blog | Channel: Education

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Review: The Secret Mountain Books

Jason White — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:43:19 -0500

By Jason White

I had the opportunity to review three childrens books from The Secret Mountain. Each beautifully illustrated hardcover book is accompanied by an audio CD. My family enjoyed all three titles, and each offered a unique literary and musical experience for our kids.

Down at the Sea Hotel

This was a cute bedtime story, but the best feature of this book was the 14-song CD included featuring lullabies written by such well-known artists as Billy Joel and Don Henley. The CD is good enough to be sold on its own, but the fact it is included with such a beautifully illustrated bedtime story makes this a great package for any little one.

Dream Songs Night Songs: From Belgium to Brazil

I must say I was impressed with the Dream Songs Night Songs series, which introduces children to a variety of international lullabies presented on audio CD in their native language. My family's favorites were "Acalanto" (Brazil), "Die blumelieine sie schlafen" (Germany), and "We are the boat" (United States). This is a wonderful way to expose children to other cultures, and led to discussions about other countries featured in the book and audio CD.

A Duck in New York City

While we enjoyed all three books, A Duck in New York City was by far our favorite. Winner of the Parent's Choice Gold Award, A Duck in New York City follows the story of a brave duck whose dream is to do a "ducky dance" on Broadway. It is a big dream for a little duck, and of course there is no shortage of naysayers telling him reasons why he cannot do it. Ignoring their pessimism, the duck takes off for New York and encounters several bumps along the way. He also meets someone very special who believes him and helps him along the way.

A Duck in New York City is an inspirational tale that teaches children to believe in their dreams, to ignore negative people who tell them they cannot achieve something, and to surround themselves with people who believe in them. The book also featured a CD with whimsical songs such as "If You Love a Hippopotamus" and " The Alligator Waltz."

To view these and additional titles visit TheSecretMountain.com.

Permalink | Comments | Jason White's blog | Channel: Entertainment

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Dealing with Pregnant Loved Ones in the Midst of Your Infertility Battle

Lori Kerrigan — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:38:03 -0500

By Lori Kerrigan

What do you do when EVERYONE around you seems to have exactly what you want, but no matter what you do, you can’t get it for yourself? In my case, pregnancy is the culprit.

So, as I sit in a quiet corner of a small airport, heading back home after spending two weeks in my home town surrounded by reminders of what I don't have in the form of throwing a baby shower, learning from the last two people I expected to be pregnant that they are newly pregnant, and looking at my little nieces and nephews day-after-day and being continuously reminded that I nor any member of my family will look at them and say, you have your dad's eyes or you look just like your uncle….. if it sounds like I am wallowing in self pity, you are correct. I am.

I have a blessed life, an amazing husband, a career I love, my health, a roof over my head, and a close nit circle of loved ones, but I can’t stop thinking, “WHY ME!” and “Its not fair”. I can’t snap out of this battle with self-pity and just be happy for the “Fertile Myrtles” in my life.

I know I am not alone in this battle of self pity, so I ask, what do you do about it? There is nothing I can do to speed this up. My counselor recently told me, “Lori, control what you can control, the rest, find a way to deal with.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I can’t control much in this crazy process, but, according to my intelligent and experienced counselor, I can deal with it. I have excused myself from my pity part before, and step-by-step, I can do it again.

1. You have to want to. I have realized until the desire to feel better comes from somewhere deep down and genuine, regardless of my circumstances, I can’t feel better. Sometimes it’s more comfortable in my circumstances being bummed. It’s easier to be depressed or angry, than it is to muster up enough energy to fight through the comfort that comes with self-pity and misery to reach that ability to be content in any situation.

2. Acknowledge it’s not fair and move on. It does not seem fair to me that every month I watch another close loved one, move on to the parenthood phase of life as I get yet another visit from “Aunt Flo”, but life is not fair….and whether life is fair or not fair, life goes on. I have had a fear that if I stopped feeling sorry for myself, somehow, it would be the same as me saying, “it’s okay that this is happening to me”. It’s not okay, but regardless of its okay, life is going on around me, and I know I want to be a part of it, and I am sure you do to.

3. Start feeling better. Thoughts like, “Its not fair”, “Why Me” and, “I’ll Never Be a Parent” are going to come in to your frame of thought. But leave them there. Change your focus to something positive. If you are a person of faith, focus on a verse or promise from your faith. If not, or if that does not work for you, focus on a positive or motivating quote. Think about all the times life has been tough and you made it through to the other side of the mountain, and usually with an even better ending than what you ever imagined.

If you cannot change your thought process by refocusing in the above way. Leave the room, change your scenery, go do something that you enjoy or that makes you feel more in control of your life or like you are moving forward in some aspect of your life. For me, working out, scrapbooking, walking around outside, and writing work best.

4. Acknowledge the positive. Every journey has some type of positive to it. My journey with infertility has had countless blessings come out of it. There are points where I don’t know if I would do my life differently because I am so grateful for the blessings that have been created. There are also many days where I would give my right arm to snap my fingers and have a child, and where nothing makes it better. Regardless of that, I have experienced blessings throughout this journey. Focusing on that can help you realize, your path may not be the same as your sister or friend, but different is not 100% bad, it can be uniquely good, and often times, much more special.

5. Congratulate your friend/loved one while keeping your feelings in perspective. It’s not “fair” for us to take away from our loved ones joy for their newest little miracle. However be honest. Let them know that you are happy for them, but because of your own battle, it brings up emotions that are difficult for you to deal with. Let them know it does not take away from your joy for them, but that you need a little space/time to come to terms with your own emotions.

If that does not work, let them know they have every right to be excited, but out of respect for your pain, minimize the excitement, or pregnancy complaints when around you and maximize them around others that don’t have the emotional turmoil you are going through. I have found this works about 95% of the time. The 5% it does not, I realize, it’s my job to steer clear of these painful situations. This step can help you be true to your feelings, enhance your relationship with your loved one, as well as minimize the ever present feeling of helplessness found on this journey.

As my wise counselor says, control what you can control. You may not be able to control when you have a baby, or whether or not your friend who is not even thinking about entering the phase of parenthood becomes pregnant, but you can control little things along the way. Spread the word that you are looking to adopt, get a second job so you can save more money for when you do have the baby, read up on parenting books, and go on a “baby moon” with your spouse. Do what you can do, you may be surprised like I was, this journey is not the end of a dream, it’s the creation of new dreams and life paths.

Permalink | 3 comments | Lori Kerrigan's blog | Channel: Planning, Conceiving, Pregnancy, Birth, Adoption

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Guilt Tripping

Margaret Garcia-Couoh — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 09:56:21 -0500

By Margaret Garcia...

Like most stay-at-home mothers I know, I don’t really stay home. With one preschooler and one kindergartner, I’m up early getting lunches made, husband to work, children dressed with some sense of style and co-ordination, and me off to the gym to work off what I feel is my butt and the chair I write from becoming one. Around noon I do a mad dash of errands, pick up the monkeys, post office, etc. Somehow I also manage to teach classes online and one or two in the flesh. Once a week I get to practice the craft of writing fiction and poetry. I try to get to a number of civic things as well and spend time with that guy, what’s his name? that I married six years ago who comes home about 6 pm expecting something that resembles food to be on the table.

This all works fine for the most part. He bathes the kids and puts them to sleep and I jump online to work. But anytime this universe is altered it seems all manner of levels of hell break loose. I had to be gone five days last week. The universe came to an abrupt halt. My husband and mother decided I could go be a writer for a week, collect an award, do a reading, and have some time away. But the week leading up to my leave was the most strenuous ever. Buying groceries for a week I wouldn’t be there in the vein hopes that my husband would make something other than Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and Gogurts consumed me. Doing every last bit of laundry and labeling outfits for the kids in days of the week on the dryer didn’t fill me with confidence in the husband/mother take over either. Oh my goodness, why did Picture Day have to be that Friday?! There was of course, my own packing and preparation (Should I read this story or that one? Does that dress make me look fat or is it my fat making me look fat? ).

But the worst part of all was leaving the kids. Not that I don’t trust my husband and mother. She’s a Virgo. I was quite certain they wouldn’t die or end up wallowing in their own filth with my mother around. My husband I knew would give them plenty of love and attention even if he did forget to brush their teeth or make sure our son’s homework was done. I did some good yoga breathing. Practice letting go. He knows what to do. Exhale. Inhale. He’s their father. Exhale. Yikes.

I left at the last minute. In the morning after I’d gotten off the plane, I called home. My son missed me and cried at night much to the cranky dismay of father and daughter. “When are you coming home mommy? I miss you. I love you. Come back soon.” What a sweet child that boy is. “What should I bring back from the trip,” I asked him. “Maybe a Power Ranger!” Okay. I can do a Power Ranger, I thought. And then he broke my heart. “I just really want you to come home, mommy. ” With that I really was ready to come home. They could send the prize money by air if they wanted. Who was I to say no to Diego ever so sweetly missing me?

I could feel myself caving in and looking for ways to fly back. I asked to talk to my daughter. She got on the phone and in typical 3 year old style she said:
“Hi Mommy. You’re staying with Grandma right? She has a store by her house with a red circle and a red dot [Target]. Go there. In the toy section towards the basketballs they have. They have Fischer Price doctor kits. I want one. Get it for me please because you went away on a trip. We need trip toys. Get some Power Rangers for my brother.”

The guilt totally set in.

Of course I did my the obligatory trip to Target, made worse by the throngs of children in there yelling the word Mommy. I don’t know how many times I turned around only to see someone else’s 3 and 5 year old cajoling them into purchases, not my own. I spent at least double what I planned to (tucked half a way as Christmas presents).

To make matters worse, I showed up at my grandparents’ house only to have my grandmother look around me and squat low and squint. I was staying with the other grandmother who knew my plans, but the behavior of grandma two said it all. “Mi’ja,” she said, “where are the kids? Why would you come without the kids?”

By the end of my five days, I wasn’t exactly sure why I didn’t bring the kids. Of course I wouldn’t have been able to have those two late nights partying with my girlfriends and they would have missed a nice chunk of school and more than likely interrupted my reading and I wouldn’t have been able to run errands for my grandmothers as efficiently. I know my excuses. Still. life seemed unusually dull and boring without them.

When I showed up back at my house on Sunday? Big hugs all the way around. They felt great. But I don’t think I was in the door when Paloma said, “You got the presents, right Mommy?”

I know of course, that I won't have the stamina or the guilt free mindset to go away again any time soon. But why is it my husband can go away, miss us, we miss him, and that's that? Why is it that there's something nearly unnatural about mommy going away? Why is it impossible for the house to be just as clean as I left it? Why does time out for oneself feel like bad mothering? Is it just the partriarchy weighing down on my head or is it something else?

I go away again in May. I hope before then I strike some sort of chord of balance and guilt free living. I'll probably come back with bigger presents for those two weeks in May. Who knows? But I wish I could shake it off and just come back with a smile, a hug, and a thank you for being good boys and girls.

Permalink | 2 comments | Margaret Garcia-Couoh's blog | Channel: Time Management, Work Balance

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Hey Moms! Go with Your Gut!

Linsey Knerl — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:50:24 -0500

By Linsey Knerl

Awhile back I told you how I was almost always the Mom in the middle. I'm not sure if I’m overreacting to most things, but more than likely certain that I’m too laid back for my own good. A trip to the ER this weekend gave me confidence in my decision–making abilities as a mother. (And reaffirmed that you really don’t want to mess with me when the kiddos are involved.)

The rash from hell. It all started Monday night when I was changing my 3-year-old. H had almost fully mastered the potty-training thing, and for some odd reason was refusing to use the bathroom. I removed his 50-pound soaking pull-up to find the most unusual rash on his bottom and the back of his legs. It looked like bug bites, but several of them were bruises already. This was really weird.

“Mama, I can’t walk!” Later that evening, the little guy starts crying that his legs hurt. He says he doesn’t want to walk, and insists that I carry him everywhere. I’m convinced that it’s another flu bug making its way through my home (we had all just suffered a month ago.)

Baby’s burning up. Not too much later, he develops a low-grade fever that turns into a higher-grade fever. I’m a little concerned now.

Tuesday through Friday, he seems to be better. I keep an eye on the spots, as they appear to be going away. Friday afternoon, however, he starts scratching at them, and I notice a few on his arms. I wisk him away to our local clinic to see the only doctor within 20 miles. The guy has no idea what we’re dealing with, but only knows it is not contagious. He proceeds to flip through a dermatology book, holding up pictures against my son’s skin to “compare” afflictions. He finally decides on some generic papule invasion (uh, you think?) and tells me that it should go away on its own. (He basically ignores the aching legs, low fever, and now excruciating stomach pains that my son has developed.)

That evening, I’m sitting in the living room, and notice that my son is crying again. He is really uncomfortable. It is almost 11 pm, and he is demanding that I hold him on the couch. He squirms and cries, and I look at this body. I see that each of the small reddish-purple bumps are now quarter size in some places. There is blood forming under his skin in strange ways. He is writhing in pain.

I hit the internet, googling for anything that might make sense. (Note: I know. Googling is a way to freak you out for no good reason. I did come across all kinds of freaky diseases… typhoid fever being one. I’m not stupid, and I didn’t for a minute think he had typhoid fever.) I did, however, have a year’s experience working in a dermatology clinic, so I knew the difference between a papule and a pustule. I came across the most unusual but fitting disease and wrote the name down. Then I headed out the door to the (not nearest) ER.

The nurse greeted us almost 90 minutes later. She asked what was wrong, downplayed my concerns, and upon showing her the name of the illness I was concerned about, brushed me off. “Oh, those dermatologists are always coming up with crazy diseases. It’s nothing.” Excuse me? I was starting to feel like one of those crazy moms who make up diseases to get attention, and I was not happy.

We meet our doctor. A young guy with an awesome smile, comes in rather cheerful for working the night shift. I show him the spots, describe the symptoms, and mention that the “pooling” of blood under my son’s skin was concerning. He almost drops his clipboard. “Interesting that you should use that word: pooling. I’ll need to discuss this with you in a minute.” Then he left. I was freaking. Was he calling social services on me for being paranoid?

He comes back. He explains that he believes my son has Henoch-Schonlein Purpura, or HSP. (Funny, that’s the exact same Googled disease that the nurse mocked me about.) He acknowledged the same concerns that I had: possible indication of a more serious viral or bacterial disease (including meningitis and Epstein-Barr) and a possibility of renal complications. He sensed my fear, and immediately put me to ease. “We’ll run tests tonight, get you the results in 45 minutes, and hopefully, you can go home knowing that your son will be alright.” I love this man.

Almost 2 hours later, we were going home. Walking out, the nurse handed me our discharge papers. “Oh, see there… it’s just a case of purpura. I told you not to worry…. What?!? He has Henoch-Schonlein Purpura? Well, that’s the disease you told me about and…and I haven’t seen a case of that in my 40 years of nursing…..” she trailed off.

My guy is healing nicely. Except for the nighttime arthritis, which leaves him crying and has me carrying him to the bathroom, he seems to be getting better. Eight weeks should hopefully bring the end of this weird condition.

If there was a moral to my very, very long story, it is this: Moms (and Dads), you know your kids better than anyone. You are of at least moderate intelligence, and you better be prepared to use it. If you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, keep talking until someone listens. Your kids rely on you to protect them, whether you finished college (like the nurse at the hospital) or not (like me.)

For more info on HSP and this particular kind of vasculitis (which affects roughly 20 in 100,000 kids per year), visit the Wiki site and the Mayo Clinic page

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Secret Keeper Girl Fiction: A Book Review

Linsey Knerl — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 12:26:35 -0500

By Linsey Knerl

If you have a tween girl at home who craves fiction, this series by Dannah Gresh might be a healthy alternative to chick lit books geared toward the teen crowd.

We received the first book in the series by Christian author Dannah Gresh. I had already been familiar with her work; Ms. Gresh has developed books, blogs, and seminars designed to offer support to growing girls in somewhat scary times. In Dannah’s words, a Secret Keeper Girl “values modesty, she surrounds herself with wise friends and she embraces Godly beauty. But, the most important thing for you to know is that a Secret Keeper Girl is a masterpiece created by God.” This series sounded right up our alley!

The storyline of the first book, Danika's Totally Terrible Toss: The Legend of the Purple Flurp was simple. It explored issues of popularity and true friendship with language that could only be described as “Tweeny.” (You know, words like ginormous and fab.) The book itself was short, capable of keeping any girl’s attention, and offered a moral compass that I doubt any parent (regardless of beliefs) could argue with.

Even though my daughter wouldn’t rate this as her top book choice (she is geared more towards historical fiction or sci-fi), it was a read worth its weight in paper. It is also worth mentioning that the book contains a short activity at the end for Moms and daughters to share together. If your tween girl likes peppy fiction that presents difficult life choices in an appropriate manner for girls as young as 8, you’ll find the Secret Keeper Girl fiction to be a safe read. (And it just might give you a pass to talk about more pressing issues!)

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