I'll never forget the first time my daughter, three at the time, said her first swear word. My husband had told her it was time to get ready for bed and she wanted to continue playing. He started her bath, took away the toy she was playing with, and marched her towards the bathroom. "Pinche, Papa," she whispered under her breath as she looked at him in total contempt. (I'll leave you to Wikipedia to look up that bit of Mexican swear word slang).

I stood there dumbfounded. Did my sweet little girl just say what I think she said? My husband and I stared at each other. Though both Mexican American, I swear almost entirely in English. She'd learned it from him — and used it in correct context. He'd been watching the Dodgers losing a game not an hour before with our daughter on his lap. I was horrified yet amazed at the same time. Our son — five at the time — thought it was hilarious. Time for a talk.

What do we tell our kids about swearing when we ourselves swear?! This is of course a classic case of 'do what I say, not what I do.' My husband and I came up with a plan of action after bedtime.

Grown-up words

We told the kids there are words that kids are just never supposed to say because they sound horrible and upset grandmothers. They seem to know them when they hear them on the playground or in a movie. We just confirm. Yes, never say that one! Or that one. Or the one mommy just said when that guy cut her off on the freeway.

Meanings

Eventually they want to know, 'What does that mean?!' Think about it for a minute. Usually, you can get away with saying that's just a mean word to say to someone. Of course the kids have asked about the F-Bomb. I didn't explain sex. I just said we, as a culture, decided this is the worst word you can say to someone. Don't say it. All swear words seem to have some sexual or bodily function definition behind them. I just teach the kids what 'vulgar' means and that using that language makes you sound vulgar.

There is no such thing as a bad word

Words are not so much good or bad, it's how they are used that makes them positive or negative. That could be the teacher in me talking. Tell the kids why people swear. They swear to vent frustration, anger, joy, and any other overwhelming emotion that leaves us tongue-tied.

Substitutions

Cheese and crackers? Fudgsicles? I know from experience that nothing is quite as satisfying as the actual F-Bomb, but find kid-friendly swears for you and for them. I've resorted to my great-grandmother's "Jesus , Mary, and Joseph" whenever I go the route of "Lord's name in vain..."

Swear jar

Some parents 'swear' by the swear jar as great incentive for family members to quit swearing and a great way for other family members to make bank. I never seem to have the cash on me for it. (I've asked my son, "Do you take checks?")

Observation

I think the best way to handle swearing is probably the hardest way but most thought-provoking. My kids love the idea of spying (thanks, Harriet the Spy and SpyKids). Have them observe who swears and who doesn't. Why is that? How do they feel about the neighbor who strings along expletives like popcorn on a string? Odds are strong they'll soon figure out how acceptable and not acceptable it really is.

Ownership of the F-Bomb

For the most part, I've given up every last swear word except of course the mother of swear words, the F-Bomb. I just can't seem to erase it from my vocabulary easily. So I've leveled with the kids and owned up to it. That right there is a Mommy word. Only Mommy says that word. I've invited them to pick their own word that belongs to them. My son thinks 'stupid' is the worst thing you can say and reserves to use that as his. My daughter thinks 'freaking' is the worst thing to say. She doesn't even really say it, but it's hers. She did use it after falling two feet off the monkey bars ("Mommy, it freaking hurts!").

Do you swear in front of your kids? What do you tell them? What are they allowed to say or not allowed to say?

This post was included in the Carnival of Homeschooling, Homeschooling on the Cheap, and A Homeschooling Carnival.