Our family has a balance of personality types; my oldest son and I are extroverts, while my husband and my youngest son are introverts. Most days this works well for us, but there are those times when half of us just can't understand why the other half isn't jumping-up-and-down-excited about going to a huge cookout with tons of people.
Over the years, I have learned that my boys require different parenting based on their personalities. This can be challenging when I have a vision of the two of them sharing in activities together. As much as I hope they will enjoy the same camps, outings, and activities, the truth is, they are just too different.
Understanding my extroverted son comes naturally to me. I can identify with his feelings and thought process in a very organic way, and help him problem solve more effectively than I can with my introverted son. If you are the parent of an extroverted child, use these five suggestions to better parent to their personality type.
1. Understand Their Need for Social Input
Extroverts feed off the energy of other people and social interaction is money in their bank. There are days when my son constantly asks to play with friends or to go somewhere outside our home. While it might not always be something we can fit into our schedule, I try to recognize the reason he is asking. These times tell me that he is feeling depleted and is looking to fill up. Whenever possible, I try to allow him the social time he needs to feel recharged. Giving him these opportunities actually help him to behave better, overall, because his needs are being met.
2. Sign Them Up for Activities
Having friends and constant entertainment isn't the only thing extroverts need to stay fulfilled. This personality type likes to be active and engaged in their interests. If you want to keep your extrovert occupied, sign them up for activties they can pour themselves into.
3. Learn Their Language
"I'm bored," is extrovert speak for "I'm feeling lonely and restless and need some stimulation." This also goes for, "There is nothing to do," and "What is there to do?" Kids will repeat these phrases so many times, your ears will go numb. What your extroverted child is really trying to tell you, is that she needs to get out and absorb the vibes of humans. It doesn't even require person-to-person interaction. Simply going to the grocery store can do the trick.
4. Include Them on Scheduling
Extroverts can tend to live in the moment and not be prepared for the letdown. By that I mean, extroverts like to let the good times roll, so when that birthday party or fun outing comes to an end, they already have a short list of things to do next. To avoid a case of the "Can we go _______ next?" explain the schedule to your child in advance. Let them know that the party ends at 5:00 and after that it's time to head home for dinner – no stopping for ice cream and no inviting friends for a sleepover.
5. Teach Them How to Be Alone
Being alone does not come naturally for all extroverts, but it is an important way to spend time. Extroverted children associate being alone with boredom and therefore tend to avoid spending time that way. Teaching your child how to spend meaningful time with only themselves is a valuable life lesson. Suggest they do something they enjoy, for a short period of time. Reading, drawing, listening to music – with no one but their lonesome. Explain how time alone can be just as energizing as being around other people, when done right.
Often times, people describe extroverted children as hyper, talkative, and boisterous. (I may have even been labeled – ahem – "obnoxious" one time or another.) These children are excited about the world around them and the people that they share it with. Understanding what motivates their behaviors will give you a more effective approach to parenting an extrovert.
