The evidence is in. Eating together as a family is linked to lower rates of teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol use, and teen depression. The problem? Getting everyone at the same table to get along is also linked to higher parental blood pressure levels.

Eating together as a familial unit isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. In my own childhood, “family dinner” was synonymous with broken crockery, loud voices, and more than a little stress on all involved. The Cleavers, we were not. In fact, so harrowing were my formative experiences that it took years before I’d agree to even BUY a dining-room table, let alone eat together at one. Dinner on trays in front of the TV seemed a much safer route to navigate.

Along came a kind husband and three adorable kids, and suddenly, I wanted to create the family experiences I had missed as a child. I wanted to break bread, not plates. So I set my qualms aside and started creating rituals and rules that would make our family meals pleasant memories, rather than fodder for future therapy sessions. Here are my five tips.

1. Remember the Goal

You’re not staging a photo opp for Hallmark; you’re trying to bond as a family. Keep in mind that the real intent is to connect with each other, and everything else is gravy (including the gravy).

2. Get Real

When I was a kid, my mom had such high expectations of family get-togethers that reality was bound to pale in comparison. Let’s face it: Milk gets spilled, lasagnas get burned, and kids squabble. Accept it and move on. Don’t expect perfection, and you won’t be disappointed when reality intercedes.

3. Go Casual

No kid is going to enjoy himself when he’s expected to sit up straight, not talk, use the correct silverware, and eat weird food. If your goal is family connection, forego the gourmet recipes and pick a family-friendly menu and kid-friendly environment. Skip the candlelight and fancy china if you’re going to be crushed if your little one sends Grandma’s Wedgewood flying.

4. Choose Your Battles

Your kids (and possibly even your spouse) are going to have lousy table manners. You’re going to be angry that your teen got a “C” on her French test. You’ll be peeved at the way the dog is begging under the table. Take my advice and LET IT ALL GO. Make the dinner table a safe haven from scolding, corrections, and lectures, and I guarantee your family members will be much more likely to want to sit down with you.

5. Keep ‘Em Entertained

It’s hard to have “meaningful” conversation when one of your kids is barely out of diapers and another is entering pre-teen angst. Bridge the gap with some ready-made activities. Ask everyone to tell the best and worst things about their day. Choose one kid as host and have him or her keep the conversation rolling. Or take our favorite tip: Break out the Mad Libs. Even preschoolers can, with help, name nouns and verbs, and the results are sure to have everyone giggling. After all, laughter isn’t just the best medicine — it’s the best dessert, too.