When you become a parent, you find yourself doing a lot of things you never imagined yourself doing. For instance, not being completely repulsed by having someone else's vomit on your arm, and getting out of bed hours before the sun comes up. 

Many times since becoming a parent, I have caught myself in these odd situations and thought, Is this really my life? And I have to laugh, because even if it's not funny now, it probably will be in a few weeks. Some of my biggest giggles occur when I hear statements come out of my mouth that would make no sense out of context. Sentences I never imagined constructing have flown out of my mouth without approval from my brain. It's the stuff ironic t-shirts are made of... in the most unironic way. 

Here are my top five things I never thought I would say... until I became a parent. 

1. "You need to put on pants if you want to eat dinner."

Let's be clear, I only mean pajama pants — not formal dress pants or jeans. But many nights we eat dinner after my kids have showered and they think it's easier to come to the table in a towel, or naked, than it is to walk upstairs and put on pajamas. The statement, "You need to put on pants if you want to eat dinner," has led to many tired, tearful breakdowns at the dinner table. 

2. "We don't eat food off the Target floor!"

When my boys see a free snack, they take it! Even if that snack is under an end cap of the cereal aisle at Target. Sadly, it took a lot of convincing for them to understand/believe that consuming opened food on the floor of a public place was a bad idea. We're still hoping for the best on this one. 

3. "It's Va-, not Fa-"

To teach my boys anatomically correct terminology, I taught them the word vagina, when they asked about girls' private parts. But they kept saying, "fa-gina." I was insistent on correcting them (even though the mistake was kinda cute!) and said over and over, "va- va- vagina, not fa."

4. "Why did you pee on your brother's Grinch?"

The potty training days can give us parents plenty of good stories. This one takes place right before Christmas, when my youngest just couldn't seem to find a potty and used a stuffed Grinch doll instead. Let's just say the Grinch's heart did not grow three sizes that day. 

5. "Boogers are not snacks!"

For the love of sanitation, find a tissue! Or a piece of paper, son. Something, anything, but your mouth will do. 

If you haven't already, write down the funny things you and your children say. Keep them in a notebook that you can look back on and laugh about years from now. These phrases will surely become some of your favorite family memories.